Oct 192010

Both people who read TMA understand how much I love the tech press, whose thorough and groundbreaking reporting provides an evergreen opportunities for  snark. One of my favorite MOs is the “Ridiculous Hypothesis Phrased as a Question” headline. This vehicle allows the tech writer to assert something brain-dead retarded in the headline – assuring that some suckers will actually click through to their tripe and grant them the ever-valuable pageview – and then spend the body of the article disclaiming the inflammatory headline. As a service to the tech media, I’ve decided to take it upon myself to answer some of the question mark headlines taken from the aggregator that I can’t seem to get listed on: Apple Enthusiast.

The IPad Really the Savior Of the Newspaper Industry? -Mashable

Not as long as the newspaper industry doesn’t realize it needs to be saved.

Is Apple Running Scared of the 7″ Tablet?-VNU

Yes, They’re absolutely petrified that after 2 quarters of not being able to make enough iPads, a form factor that’s too small to be a tablet and too large to be a phone, which will be running some bastardized version of Android that Google wants nothing to do with will run them out of business. Idiot.

What Will Apple Announced Next?-Forbes.com

A new MacBook Air and a preview of OS X 10.7 Lion. Tomorrow.

Costco Dropping iPods after Tiff with Apple? -CrunchGear

74.5 million people streamed through 317 (and counting) Apple stores last year. Target and Walmart are selling them. Put succinctly: Who cares?

Is the New MacBook Air the First Apple Netbook? -Technologizer

If by “netbook” you mean underpowered, underspecced, sub-$300 piece of shit, no (even though it has been fun to put “Apple” and “netbook” in the same headline since the build-up over the iPad).

If by “netbook” you mean the smallest laptop Apple has ever made, then quite possibly.

Apple in the Enterprise: Do the Extra Costs Justify the Value? -ZDNet (shudder)

I guess “value” is a matter of perspective. Even though end-users that, you know, actually use the products would doubtless find a lot of value in bringing Apple to the enterprise, I don’t think the drones that read your spray would think that being unemployed represents “value”.

Flush With Cash, Will Apple Go Shopping? – NY Times – Business

They are as likely to go shopping as they have been for the last 9 quarters that analysts have been 1. Noticing that Apple has a large amount of cash on hand and 2. Incorrectly speculating about what Apple should do with it. Stop trying.

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