Apple’s Earnings Just Shot from Ridiculous to Surreal

It gets hard to talk about how insanely profitable Apple is – every quarter. Aside from running the risk of disappointing retarded analysts, as was the case last quarter when they nonsensically decided to go shithouse the quarter before a new iPhone was released, there’s this feeling that it can’t possibly last. That feeling was exacerbated this morning, as the Street started pushing estimates up hours before the earnings call.

Apple’s response to the hype made all of their prior performances look like dainty appetizers. I’ll try to put it in context with a couple of comparisons.

This quarter, Apple had:

• Profit equal to its revenue 5 quarters ago and $3 billion dollars more than Google’s revenue from last quarter.
• Twice Microsoft’s revenue and net income.
• The 4th largest reported profit of any company – ever – and the only non-petroleum company in the top 20 all-time.

Macworld has some pretty jaw-dropping graphs that detail the carnage.

While knock-off iPhone expectoraters like Samsung keep poking fun at Apple with their shitty advertising, there is a kernel of truth to them. People form lines for Apple’s kit – 37 million iPhones and 15.5 million iPads this past quarter alone. Samsung sees no lines, and now they can’t even claim a unit sales advantage – even though they vomit a bazillion phones every quarter. Can’t wait to see your earnings this quarter, guys. I have a feeling you’ll be “HTC’d”.