Feb 152012

Proview Shenzen is a company that is financially one clockwise revolution away from the sewer pipe. Its only asset is a name, a name for which Apple has a licensing agreement with the company in 10 different countries, including one with China under a Taiwanese affiliate. Proview claims that the agreement is not valid, and at least for now some judge in China agrees. Proview is lobbying the Chinese government for Apple to either pay them off or use the infringement on their trademark to not only block the flow of iPads into China, but also block their export from the assembly facilities that Apple (and no one else) so famously utilizes in-country. Proview’s claims have allegedly prompted Apple to pull the iPad from some Chinese retailers, such as Amazon (this is according to a spokesperson from Amazon, a company that in no way competes with Apple and would totally not have a reason to pull it off their site prior to Apple asking). For something that I guarantee will turn out to be a non-issue, variations of this story have been popping up in blogs everywhere for the last month. But that’s the core truth of what constitutes 99.9% of Apple “news”: bullshit that is guaranteed to blow over repackaged in semi-titillating headlines. Let me give you a sense of what’s going on in China regarding Proview, ripped from the pages of my latest screenplay titled “Make Linkbait Hay While the Media Sun Shines, You No-Value-Added Little Bitches” (it’s a working title):

(phone rings)

Chinese government: “Hello, Chinese government”

Tim Cook: “China? Oh, I’m sorry, I thought this was Brazil”

CG: “No, China here. Who is this?”

TC: “It’s Tim Cook over at Apple. Listen, I’m sorry, I meant to call Brazil. I’ve got a shitload of business to discuss with them…”

CG: “Business?”

TC: “Yea, boring stuff, really. I guess they don’t have as many bankrupt assclowns wanting to fuck with our supply chain or cash in on moo shu wrapper-thin IP. That reminds me – I have to catch up with you later to talk about demobilization phasing. Anyway, gotta go!”



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