Taking in all the brain-rot that surrounds Apple everyday can be a daunting task, especially when a news item (or what passes for news) is basically retweeted from the original source 1,500 times. Your attention span demands brevity and sarcasm in equal amounts. In that spirit, let’s dig into today’s Apple-related news:

Apple Banning iOS Apps That Feature Dropbox Integration

I like to read these stories with “Suspense Accents 2″ from GarageBand playing on a loop to heighten the sense of drama. Evil Apple is banhammering apps that link to Dropbox, the beloved cloud service that Steve Jobs tried to buy. What possible reason could Apple have for this slight? Well, Apple doesn’t allow 3rd parties to link to subscription services. When you don’t have Dropbox installed on your iOS device, you’re taken to Dropbox’s website, where you can buy additional storage. Yes, it’s dumb, but Dropbox and Apple are in conversations for a workaround, so this will be even more of a non-issue than it was when it was first reported, if that’s possible.

Judge Richard Posner says: “I’ve had my fill of frivolous filings by Apple.”

Ever wonder if the prickish tendencies of your favorite television judge extended to their real world counterparts? Looks like the judge presiding over the Apple-Motorola trial in the United States District Court, Northern District of Illinois isn’t afraid to speak his mind. He ragged on the quality of Motorola’s claim construction, calling it “ridiculous” and now he’s speaking candidly about a motion Apple filed, including some colorful language. The term “prejudicial” comes to mind, but I’m not one of the most famous intellectual property scholars of the 20th century, who by most accounts Posner is. I’d hate to be a kid caught playing on his lawn.

German Court Grants Motorola an Injunction against Windows 7 and Xbox 360 Based on FRAND Patents

Guess the terms “Fair, Reasonable and Non-discriminatory” don’t mean what they used to. In an effort to redefine the term “irony”, Google’s soon-to-be plaything has successfully used standards-essential patents to affect an injunction in Germany. The global court machinery all but guarantees that an actual injunction won’t happen (there’s a trial pending outcome in the U.S., for one), but the precedent is disgraceful. I’m sure that “firewall” Google has between itself and Motorola is enough to inoculate themselves in their minds. It’s not. Google should be fucking ashamed of themselves. And they know it.

Apple Responsible for Half a Million Lost Jobs

Looks like BusinessInsider is turning that pageview crank extra hard today. Here’s your logic: Apple’s meteoric rise has impacted a bunch of technology companies negatively. Well that sucks. Maybe Apple should consider being less successful. Here are your options, tech corporation roadkill: innovate and lead, downsize and follow, go out of business, or…

Nokia Files Patent Litigation against HTC, Research in Motion and ViewSonic in the US and Germany

Litigious Hack Nokia is claiming these companies infringe on 45 of their – wait for it – standards-essential patents. It remains to be seen whether the terms set forth by Nokia will constitute the same kind of egregious abuse that GoogleRola is trying to lay on Microsoft.

BlackBerry Announces BlackBerry 10 at BlackBerry World Keynote

What would have drawn a day’s worth of exclusive coverage 5 years ago drew a yawn from the tech community. BlackBerry announced its new operating system, BlackBerry 10, complete with an alpha developer build. Because the future of the company basically rides on the new OS, the Keynote will chock full of details and app demos. Actually, no. Details were spotty and developers you’ve never heard of (with the exception of Gameloft) were trotted out to the stage to vow their commitment to the platform. Really. RIM even guaranteed that devs will make $10K off their apps or they’d write them a check for the difference. I’d make sure I got in at the front of that line. It’s a shame that 10 actually has some cool features, like the ability to “rewind” faces in a picture if you don’t like how it turned out (makes much more sense when you see the video demonstration). RIM also has an interesting take on text auto-prediction built into its touch keyboard. Those features weren’t enough to rescue an underwhelming, narrative keynote. TheVerge probably has the best coverage, if anyone still cares.

Google Updates Google Docs With New Fonts, Templates, More

For the three companies that can use Google docs collaboratively and with clients, apparently you can now bedazzle them with Roboto and hope they don’t open it in Word. You know – the program that everyone else in the business world has to use. And try not to look surprised when your search results include ads from your top 5 competitors.