TheMacAdvocate

Apple responded to the FCC’s inquiry about the rejection of the Google Voice app, and posted the response on their website.  Most surprising to me: the “continued study” of the app (Apple says it has not rejected it) had nothing to do with AT&T.

Apple is acting alone and has not consulted with AT&T about whether or not to approve the Google Voice application. No contractual conditions or non-contractual understandings with AT&T have been a factor in Apple’s decision-making process in this matter.

Well then, so much for conspiracy theories.  This makes the non-approval both less seedy and more niggling:

The application has not been approved because, as submitted for review, it appears to alter the iPhone’s distinctive user experience by replacing the iPhone’s core mobile telephone functionality and Apple user interface with its own user interface for telephone calls, text messaging and voicemail.

No AT&T SMS revenue protection scheme, just plain a old-fashioned fencepost pissing by the chief UI stormtrooper – or maybe a desire not to make Google products “just work” with the iPhone as well now that Google has thrown their hat into the OS ring.

Cult of Mac has an interview with Rich Miller of Data Center Knowledge, a site devoted to the data center industry.  Rich speculates that Apple’s reportedly 500‚000 square-foot facility (which would make it one of the largest in the world) suggests a “cloud computing” scale.

Silly rabbit.  Obviously SJ reads TMA and is looking to provide the bandwidth necessary to fulfill my personal fantasy.

According to a Game Informer survey, over 50% of XBox 360 owners have had catastrophic failure of their consoles.

Fifty.  Imagine you were about to buy a TV from a manufacturer who you found had half their TVs go bad while under warranty.

Yet according to the same survey, people play their 360s slightly longer per day than their PS3 or Wiis and only 4% said that console failure rate would play a role in a future purchase of a 360.

M$: Success Despite Our Involvement

On Tuesday‚ Uncle Walt revealed Microsoft’s straightforward upgrade chart for current Windows users.

/cracks up

OK‚ I tried.  How bad is it?  Even Ed “Go” Bott (“Windows is like the K-Mart OS X”) thinks that the only logical explanation is that someone secretly working for Apple in M$’s ranks is releasing this stuff.

And “Custom Install” = “Wipe all your shit out beforehand”.  Nice.

With Microsoft, many times the source material is so rich that true snarkiness would be both exhausting and unnecessary.  Gizmodo has posted a copy of what is allegedly a M$ presentation about its proposed chain of retail stores.  Two of the funnier bits: “the Answer Bar” and a proposal to use the stores for birthday parties.  54 slides of shit you can’t make up here.

Pity poor Microsoft.  Coming off the heels of Apple’s record-setting quarter, Redmond…well…

Got absolutely annihilated.

Microsoft whiffed on analysts’ predictions to the tune of one and a quarter billion dollars.  The traditional sinks – online services and the Entertainment and Devices group (Xbox 360, Zune and mobile phone software) – continued their crimson streak in the books while the money-printing Windows and Office monopolies experienced sharp declines.

Microsoft Chief Financial Officer Chris Liddell stated “there are some signs that we’ve seen the worst” from the economy, and that, “the spending environment is stabilizing on a sequential basis.”  There’s a recession?  Guess the economy doesn’t affect us all the same way, does it Chris?

Enjoy the schadenfreude, Macheads.

So AAPL crushed the Street estimates yet again (yawn) and analysts, always quick to hop on a good thing once it’s happened, are bullish on the company for Q3.  Oddly, Apple’s third-quarter guidance of 34 percent gross margin and $1.18 – $1.23 in earnings per share was uncharacteristically optimistic, leaving analysts wondering whether Cupertino was really starting to take their roles seriously and have stopped jerking them around like they’ve done for…well…forever.

LOL.  Right.

Apple doesn’t do optimistic, especially with unemployment numbers hitting 10% in several states.  The game Apple plays is low-balling estimates at the conference call so they can smash them at the next one.  If they were to ever come in under their own guidance, it would be disastrous, especially since some of the smarter analysts are wise to SJ’s game.  For them to jack up their estimates in this economy, there’s got to be something in the pipeline, kiddies.   Something big.

Only time will tell (yes – that’s a joke).

It’s time for Apple to report on earnings yet again‚ kiddies.  And the tech analyst keystone cop routine continues.  The beat’s worst weatherman is continuing the “yeah‚ but” style of analysis they teach at Harvard.  The consensus from the Street has Apple reporting earnings at $1.16 per share and 10% YOY growth.

Pffffffft.

Apple will stomp these estimates for 2 simple reasons: 3GS and MBP.  We know the 3GS blew past predicted sales and it looks like the price cut in the MacBook Pro line may make June one for the record books at Apple.   Get ready for the “boom”‚ indeed.

Update: $1.35/share on $8.34B in revenue – a new record for a non-holiday quarter.

Because Ars Technica has an Apple section‚ I guess they have to have one for Microsoft too.  I find a good chuckle there most days‚ though I imagine the humor is unintentional.  Like this gem recounting how “a lawyer from Apple” allegedly called Microsoft to beg them to stop running their “Shitbox Laptop Hunters” ads.

The “cry for mercy” yarn was delivered at Microsoft’s Worldwide Partner Conference by COO Kevin Turner:

“And you know why I know they’re (the Laptop Hunter ads) working? Because two weeks ago we got a call from the Apple legal department saying, hey — this is a true story — saying, “Hey, you need to stop running those ads, we lowered our prices.” They took like $100 off or something. It was the greatest single phone call in the history that I’ve ever taken in business.” (Applause.)

The most fictional call you’ve taken‚ maybe.  And let me add: your sentence structure blows.  Did you start that last sentence wanting to say “it was the greatest single phone call in the history of business” and then chicken out because it was too over-the-top?   You kinda blew the reality cap with the premise‚ so I think you should have run with it.  Besides‚ your lobotomized “partners” would have (applaused) regardless.

So Apple‚ instead of‚ say‚ filing a complaint with the BBB’s National Advertising Division or taking some kind of formal legal action‚ has a representative from their legal department call Microsoft to make a plea for mercy?

Skeptical baby calls bullshit on your story‚ Kevin.  Maybe the souls you crushed under the monopoly wheel at Wal-Mart (is this some kind of theme?) pleaded with you prior to being absorbed/destroyed by The Collective‚ but if I were to guess what the  response from Don Rosenberg’s shop would be‚ it would rhyme with “you fucking wish”.

Update: I should know better than to take the context given at arstechnica/microsoft at face value.  Apple’s alleged beef – I say alleged because there is nothing of substance on this other than Turner’s claim – isn’t that the ads are hurting them‚ but that M$ is grossly misrepresenting the price of current Apple offerings in the ads. And not “like $100 off or something”‚ but $300.  So I guess getting a call from lawyers stating you must cease and desist your blatantly misleading advertising is not quite the same as a squeal of “uncle”.  Douchebag.  Some excellent reporting by the good folks at MacDailyNews here.

Microsoft’s Kurtzian descent into madness continues, according to my favorite purveyor of comic relief Mary Jo Foley.  Apparently, M$’s bluster about a retail presence, which I had chalked up to an episode of missed medication in the marketing department, is going to happen this fall, including “scenarios where we have stores in proximity to Apple.”

What?  No seriously: what?

Here’s a nickel’s worth of free advice for Redmond: To have a retail presence, it’s a good idea to have something to sell. The only consumer product that would be considered “worth a shit” – by virtue of the non-Microsoft developers they’ve been able to attract – is stuffing the channel at any local Gamespot.  What were you planning: box displays of Windows 7, and Bargain Hunters ads running loops on Zune HDs?

GUI operating system?  No problem.  Music player?  No problem.  Gaming platform?  No problem.

Retail presence?  No problem.  I can see how ripping off and faithlessly reproducing good products could be seen as a viable strategy for a company with more money than god and fewer good ideas than Michael Bay, but do you really not get why this is a bad idea?

Now I’m all for M$ continuing to rip gaping holes in the profitability of its Office and Windows monopolies, but you can’t seriously think you’re doing your brand any good by increasing your exposure to consumers.  And intimiating in your release that you might somehow, in some way be squaring off against one of the most sucessful retail presences in the history of selling shit?

To quote any shareholder stupid enough to stick around after one quarter of this retardery: “The horror…the horror.”

Bonus factoid: M$’s quest for retail is led by David Porter.  According to the press release, Porter joined DreamWorks Animation in 2007 before spending 25 years at Wal-Mart Stores.  So basically, David has experience with both derivative offerings *cough*Pixar*cough* and monopolies.  He should fit right in.