I guess “Google’s deep commitment to defending Android, its partners, and the ecosystem” doesn’t reflect Samsung’s deep commitment to sit around and wait for it to happen.

Samsung Not Waiting for Googlerola, Pays Up to Microsoft for Android originally appeared on TheMacAdvocate on September 28, 2011.

And speaking of comments: holy shit. If this is the way Microsoft employees feel about their products and their leadership, they’re worse off than I hoped imagined.  I tried to find a single positive offering, but had to give up once my scrolling fingers (Trackpad, natch) cramped. I’d chalk up the comments to trolling, but these guys’ lingo is very company-specific. If some of them are to be believed, people actually got up and walked out of the event when Ballmer took the stage. I don’t know where you work, but if I pulled that shit, I’d be tazed in the balls and wake up coasting down Broadway duct-taped to an office chair with my personal effects in my lap.

Employee Satisfaction at Microsoft is at an All-time High-larious Low originally appeared on TheMacAdvocate on September 27, 2011.

Applying the same logic they used with the Zune and Windows Phone 7, Microsoft heard there were huge margins to be made in retail, so they’ve committing to building another 75 Microsoft stores within the next 2-3 years.

"We shall double our efforts!"

Apple, Masters of Retail, Responsible for 20% of *All* Retail Growth So Far This Year originally appeared on TheMacAdvocate on July 13, 2011.

The customer satisfaction mavens over at J.D. Power clobbered Ford’s vehicles in their annual Initial Quality survey, moving them from 5th place last year to 23rd. A major reason? Microsoft’s Sync entertainment and phone interface. According to David Sargent, vice president of global vehicle research at J.D. Power:

“People were finding several problems with the system in that it would crash, freeze, black out,” said Sargent. “Beyond that, people complained that it was more complex to use than they would like.”

An overly-complicated computing interface that periodically crashes? You can’t make this stuff up people.

Microsoft’s Sync Torpedoes Ford Car Rankings; TMA Requests Use of FARK’s “Obvious” Tag originally appeared on TheMacAdvocate on June 23, 2011.

You wanted touch? Windows 8 has touch, goddammit!

I can honestly say that some of the features debuted look like a fresh take on a mobile OS. Some sensible gesturing, a cool way of interacting with 2 apps simultaneously. Here’s the problem: this UI is a response to the iPad. There’s a reason why Apple segregated iOS and OS X. In classic Microsoft “Windows everywhere” fashion, they’re attempting to layer a touch-based interface with yummy buzzwords like “HTML5″ and “JavaScript” over the top of a desktop and file system. How will people using a keyboard and mouse interact with this layer? How happy will people be swiping and tablet-typing in Excel?

If this is the trajectory Microsoft is going to continue on, they’re headed for head-on collision between their legacy users and their desperate 3-years-too-late attempt to enter the touch OS market.

Windows 8 Demo: Show TMA on the Pad Where Apple Touched You originally appeared on TheMacAdvocate on June 1, 2011.

“And yet, as we look forward to the next generation of Windows systems, which will come out next year, there’s a whole lot more coming. As we progress through the year, you ought to expect to hear a lot about Windows 8. Windows 8 slates, tablets, PCs, a variety of different form factors.”

This transcript comes directly from Microsoft, which is funny, because this morning the company retracted it, saying “It appears there was a misstatement…To date, we have yet to formally announce any timing or naming for the next version of Windows.”

Could you imagine the cacophony of gut-splitting laughter you’d hear across the Internet if Steve Jobs misspoke so fundamentally about one of his products? Could you then imagine Apple coming out the next day and saying, in so many words, “he doesn’t know what he’s talking about”? As CEO, you represent the company; you are the company. How can this clown possibly get so far off script, and how much worse does it look to have your PR flacks negate the words of its leader recorded in its own transcript?

Just another day in the Bizzaro universe of Microsoft.

Your Humpday Asshat: Steve Ballmer originally appeared on TheMacAdvocate on May 25, 2011.

In the spirit of the Windows Phone 7 “Really” ad campaign, TMA would like to suggest a launch tagline for Windows’ new UI.

Windows 8 Ribbon: Hang Yourself

Windows 8 Ribbon UI: Really? originally appeared on TheMacAdvocate on April 4, 2011.

Continue reading: Titles Rejected for Paul Allen’s Book “Idea Man”

Titles Rejected for Paul Allen’s Book “Idea Man” originally appeared on TheMacAdvocate on March 30, 2011.

Continue reading: Apple Sues Amazon; Microsoft Sues Barnes & Noble: It’s Not the Same

Apple Sues Amazon; Microsoft Sues Barnes & Noble: It’s Not the Same originally appeared on TheMacAdvocate on March 22, 2011.

Today Microsoft made one of their now-famous “soft announcements” – an evasive answer to a call-out that signals something more significant – regarding their personal media player, the Zune. In response to a leak that there would be no further development of the iPod Me-Too, Redmond issued their standard sleight-of-hand response. From Bloomberg:

“We have nothing to announce about another Zune device — but most recently have introduced Zune HD to Canada via the Zune Originals store and remain committed to supporting our devices in North America,”

Translation: “We’re not making another Zune. We feel the vision of mediocrity for our music players is more compatible with our shitty smartphones. And we hate Canadians.”

Microsoft’s consumer electronics are faceplanting with the frequency of an X-Games highlight reel, and are just about as fun to watch.

“Who’s Zune?” “Zune’s Dead, Baby; Zune’s Dead” originally appeared on TheMacAdvocate on March 14, 2011.