To say it is a laughable copy of an Apple Store is really understating it.
If I were an investor in Microsoft, I’d really, really want to know how they’re going to track the financial performance of these things. Bury them in the “Entertainment and Devices Division”? These stores – which sell nothing that you couldn’t get cheaper online and offer you no level of service beyond telling you that your PC-maker screwed you over – will fail. And quickly.
Pity poor Ed Bott. Aside from being one of the most transparent Microsoft shills beating the tech pavement, he is also a sometime user of Apple’s products, which must be hell for a M$ apologist. One of the prerequisites for being a really effective Micronaut is that you have to feign respect for Apple – sort of how your closeted racist cousin claims to “have a number of black friends”. You see, this front allows him to seem like a fair critic‚ while also letting him play the outraged user and bash Apple at every turn.
Ed’s latest shaken fist is over Apple’s bundling of the iPhone Configuration Utility with his update of iTunes. Being the vigilant watchman he is, he was immediately wise to Apple’s game.
THEY LEFT THE CHECKBOX CHECKED! Such incursion; such violation!
This isn’t the first time Apple has tried to bundle other software with updates for iTunes, which gives birth to Ed’s clever click-bait title: “Apple up to its old tricks, pushing unwanted software onto PCs”.
I’ll let you soak in the irony of the title for a moment. Funny huh?
It gets better. Because I like to point out irony to Windows enthusiasts (who by their very definition have no sense of irony), I’ll bang out a sentence or two in the comments section of webskid like Ed’s article. Most of the time, doing so requires that you register at the site. Undaunted by the time and effort required to create a user name and password at ZDNet (and stifling the urge to shower immediately afterward), I was treated to the following:
Note the three checked boxes to the right. HOW DARE THEY CHECK MY BOXES FOR ME?!
So, I chuckle at the bonus irony and uncheck the boxes. No thanks, boys. Then I get the confirmation email:
I wish to WHAT? Not only do I have to UNCLICK MY OWN CHECKBOXES on the site where Ed cries his self-righteous tears of injustice, I’m being spammed by them anyway? Are you for real? Well, obviously, I want to change my newsletter preferences from “no, don’t send me shit” to “really I fucking meant “don’t send me shit” when I unclicked those checkboxes”. So I click the link to change my preferences and:
Wow. You want more information about me in exchange for the privilege of unsubscribing from spam that I should have never been on a list for to begin with?
To recap:
1. Ed Bott bitches about Apple’s software update foisting things on his PC he doesn’t need – that is, if he doesn’t understand that a checkmark in a box means he will in fact be downloading these things.
2. To register to leave comments on Ed Bott’s site, ZDNet‚ you have to uncheck 3 boxes to prevent you from being spammed by them.
3. Unclicking a checkbox on ZDNet apparently doesn’t mean what Apple thinks it means. ZDNet still spams you.
4. You have to provide ZDNet with more information about yourself in order to really, really unregister for the shit you shouldn’t have been getting in the first place.
I mean, as a Mac guy who likes to laugh at Wintards, I’m all about the low-hanging fruit, but this even makes me a little embarrassed.
If you’re the kind of person that tries to rope friends into helping you move‚ claiming it’ll be “fun” and offering a cold beer in lieu of money‚ Microsoft has an idea for you: the Windows 7 launch party. They’ve even posted a video how-to guide‚ with a somewhat incomplete list of suggested activities. What happened to “pin the driver on the peripheral” or the “custom install app registration code treasure hunt”?
If you choose to host‚ I’d recommend a strict designated driver policy.
Remember Kylie? She’s the cute four-and-a-half year-old who figured out how to download pictures from her camera to her PC, apply image correction to the photos and email them using a distribution list – all in Microsoft’s Windows Live.
Yeah, I didn’t quite buy it either.
Seems Kylie may be the next Jerry Seinfeld for the brand. Not content to let an ad campaign stand by itself, Kylie has appeared in a crossover ad for Windows 7. Using her legendary computer skills, she even puts together a slick slideshow with some of 7′s most positive reviews:
Advertising challenge: plot the demographic for this ad.
I honestly can’t tell if they’re leveling themselves or if they believe they’re actually targeting viewers. That Redmond ad group is one wacky fun machine.
The way I redefined the aria.
9 apps taking from 8 to 30 seconds to load. And this:
What will it take to get you into this Kia? from Ars Technica on Vimeo.
Advertising. What did you expect? They are free‚ you know.
As a result of an announcement made at Apple’s ‘It’s Only Rock and Roll’ event‚ you can officially kiss goodbye any hopes you had of doing something stupid in public and not getting caught. Yes‚ the rumors were true – the newest iPod Nanos can now capture you being Sharpie skunked by your “friends” in 640 x 480 pixels at 30 fps – complete with AAC audio of your feeble attempts to ward off your attackers. I imagine Cisco feels like the time I guy you hear about who bought the HDTV from the back of a van and ended up with a box full of bricks.
They start at $150‚ so boo for remaining privacy/yay for stealth pr0n‚ depending on how famous you are and what you’re into.
The new Nanos also got a pedometer (for Nike + integration)‚ Voice Memos and FM radio.
While I’m sure someone over in the Zune product design camp is doing a little fist pump of vindication‚ Apple has done what it usually does with useless features stapled onto other people’s offerings – made them useful. In addition to being easily able to navigate stations and program presets using the scroll wheel and middle button respectively‚ “Live Pause”‚ brings timeshifting to FM radio. Pause a station when you’re interrupted and resume when you’re ready. You can even rewind and fast-forward through content. If you hear something you like and the station supports it‚ you can also “tag” a song for purchase (bonus revenue hook FTW!). So I guess M$ can go back to sucking it.
In other news‚ the new iTunes 9‚ also announced today‚ features “Home Sharing”‚ which allows you to share content between computers on the same LAN. While one would think that allowing one to access his content via MobileMe wouldn’t be a stretch‚ apparently that’s not yet supported (at least not in the 15 minutes since I started messing with it and subsequently threw my wireless keyboard). I WANT MY UBIQUITOUS CONTENT NOW!! /rant.
All in all‚ Apple looked to further position itself as a media innovator. As TMA digs further into the upgraded iTunes‚ I’ll be sure to keep my loyal readership posted. /sarcasm.
Oh – and the Beatles still aren’t on iTunes. If all media outlets could agree that “the Beatles” and “Apple” would never used in the same sentence for the remainder of time until it fucking happened‚ all famine and war would cease immediately.
Seriously.
On Tuesday‚ Uncle Walt revealed Microsoft’s straightforward upgrade chart for current Windows users.
/cracks up
OK‚ I tried. How bad is it? Even Ed “Go” Bott (“Windows is like the K-Mart OS X”) thinks that the only logical explanation is that someone secretly working for Apple in M$’s ranks is releasing this stuff.
And “Custom Install” = “Wipe all your shit out beforehand”. Nice.
With Microsoft, many times the source material is so rich that true snarkiness would be both exhausting and unnecessary. Gizmodo has posted a copy of what is allegedly a M$ presentation about its proposed chain of retail stores. Two of the funnier bits: “the Answer Bar” and a proposal to use the stores for birthday parties. 54 slides of shit you can’t make up here.
Pity poor Microsoft. Coming off the heels of Apple’s record-setting quarter, Redmond…well…
Got absolutely annihilated.
Microsoft whiffed on analysts’ predictions to the tune of one and a quarter billion dollars. The traditional sinks – online services and the Entertainment and Devices group (Xbox 360, Zune and mobile phone software) – continued their crimson streak in the books while the money-printing Windows and Office monopolies experienced sharp declines.
Microsoft Chief Financial Officer Chris Liddell stated “there are some signs that we’ve seen the worst” from the economy, and that, “the spending environment is stabilizing on a sequential basis.” There’s a recession? Guess the economy doesn’t affect us all the same way, does it Chris?
Enjoy the schadenfreude, Macheads.
Because Ars Technica has an Apple section‚ I guess they have to have one for Microsoft too. I find a good chuckle there most days‚ though I imagine the humor is unintentional. Like this gem recounting how “a lawyer from Apple” allegedly called Microsoft to beg them to stop running their “Shitbox Laptop Hunters” ads.
The “cry for mercy” yarn was delivered at Microsoft’s Worldwide Partner Conference by COO Kevin Turner:
“And you know why I know they’re (the Laptop Hunter ads) working? Because two weeks ago we got a call from the Apple legal department saying, hey — this is a true story — saying, “Hey, you need to stop running those ads, we lowered our prices.” They took like $100 off or something. It was the greatest single phone call in the history that I’ve ever taken in business.” (Applause.)
The most fictional call you’ve taken‚ maybe. And let me add: your sentence structure blows. Did you start that last sentence wanting to say “it was the greatest single phone call in the history of business” and then chicken out because it was too over-the-top? You kinda blew the reality cap with the premise‚ so I think you should have run with it. Besides‚ your lobotomized “partners” would have (applaused) regardless.
So Apple‚ instead of‚ say‚ filing a complaint with the BBB’s National Advertising Division or taking some kind of formal legal action‚ has a representative from their legal department call Microsoft to make a plea for mercy?
Skeptical baby calls bullshit on your story‚ Kevin. Maybe the souls you crushed under the monopoly wheel at Wal-Mart (is this some kind of theme?) pleaded with you prior to being absorbed/destroyed by The Collective‚ but if I were to guess what the response from Don Rosenberg’s shop would be‚ it would rhyme with “you fucking wish”.
Update: I should know better than to take the context given at arstechnica/microsoft at face value. Apple’s alleged beef – I say alleged because there is nothing of substance on this other than Turner’s claim – isn’t that the ads are hurting them‚ but that M$ is grossly misrepresenting the price of current Apple offerings in the ads. And not “like $100 off or something”‚ but $300. So I guess getting a call from lawyers stating you must cease and desist your blatantly misleading advertising is not quite the same as a squeal of “uncle”. Douchebag. Some excellent reporting by the good folks at MacDailyNews here.
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