May 082014

Time’s Phil Harry McCracken has a timeline of ridiculousness that are the rumors surrounding Apple making a television. Highlighting the list of who’s who in asinine prognostication are several entries by dueling Piper Jaffray idiots Gene Munster and Peter Misek, who since 2010 have been the cornerstone of speculation about that thing that will never be. Fortunately for them and their families, they both presumably remain employed for reasons I assume have nothing to do with predicting trends in technology.

McCracken makes some good generalizations about the veracity of Apple rumors at the end of the piece, to which I’d add one: rumors that have no photos of alleged components have no basis in reality. Think about it: since Jizzmodo bought a stolen iPhone 4 prototype in April of 2010, there has been a shit-ton of leaks that have ramped up to the introduction of every iPhone since. Individually none of them were 100% correct, but taken as a composite, they formed a pretty good preview of what the next Apple device was going to look like. For the Apple television? Nothing. Not one decent-looking mock-up or a single blurry component photo. If the laundry list of reasons that Apple shouldn’t release a television weren’t long enough for anyone not looking to making a buck off of making shit up, there wasn’t a single shred of evidence to corroborate this wet dream.

You want to know what the next Apple television product will look like? Take a look at Amazon’s Fire TV: it’ll be a souped-up version of the device Apple already produces, complete with a slick new remote. Because content always has and always will be the cornerstone of the experience, that’s all it needs to be. Check back here in 6 months and watch me brag about how right I was – or watch me stop writing altogether. At this point, they’re both equally likely.

 Posted by at 3:08 pm

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